If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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