Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All the doctor said was why
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize