she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
