You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
