You work out of a Hotel?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
