nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
