some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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