I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
