I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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