can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
