i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
