so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
