Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
