I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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