Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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