my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
