so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
