what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
