TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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