Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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