found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
