You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
