I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
