it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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