I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
