Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
