I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
