I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
