is your mom at the bar?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
