She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
