There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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