I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
