She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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