exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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