She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's the barista slut.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
