you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
