so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
