Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize