That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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