Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
