you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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