aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
