so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize