Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
