I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
