If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
