i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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