Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
