I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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