we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
