Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
