My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
