i'm signing you up for texting rehab
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
