Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we're making bets on your personal life
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
