Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
