The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
