Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
