I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
