Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
