i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
