last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
