but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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