No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
