she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
