how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
