i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
