WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
