why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
your like the ambassador to my penis.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
