Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is wine microwaveable?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
50% drunk capacity currently
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
