why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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