Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
