I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize