i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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