had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
