I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
