Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Randomize
