I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
