it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
