wakey wakey hands off snakey
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
