My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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