I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
