the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
