i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
