I didn't shave. On purpose
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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