Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
