All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize